I picked up an idea a few years ago you might want to consider. It was a normal day with tasks going as planned. A couple came to my door to ask if they could talk. I could tell they were not happy. They had been discussing a newly discovered extramarital affair and wondered if there was any hope. We talked an hour or two. They came back the next day.
By the end of our talk the second day, the feeling of hopelessness had diminished slightly from the day before. But they needed more that Jerrie Barber’s training. I told them, as I had related to others before, “I am a pretty good country doctor. However, you need heart surgery and I am not a cardiologist.” I referred them to a trusted counselor, Phil Pistole. As they were leaving, a feeling that I had had in similar situations appeared: the feeling of abandonment.
I reflected on my father’s bypass surgery in 1981. Although his family doctor was not a cardiologist and he had not done the surgery, Dr. Kochtitzky checked on him while he was in the hospital. He was still interested in his condition.
Using that metaphor as they were leaving, I told them that as their friend and “family doctor” I was interested in their progress and asked if I might check with them to see how they were doing. Even though I would not be doing the counseling, I was very interested in their progress.
Once a month, while they were working through this crisis, I made “house calls” and encouraged them in the process of reconciliation. It was one of the most satisfying referrals that I have made in my ministry. Someone with more training than I had did the work, but I remained concerned and connected.
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